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Michelle Tea
Aug 12, 2021
In Relationships
Knowing someone for a long time, but not actually being their friend for that same duration of time does not mean you actually know them. And just because you know this person for maybe half your life, does not mean they are the right friend to have in your life. Due to the pandemic, this friend was stuck in the city we both grew up in instead of heading back to Asia where his job was. In the beginning I thought this was great since we didn't usually get to spend time together unless he was back for some kind of holiday to spend with his family. We were having fun, spending maybe every other weekend drinking together and chatting. Recently restrictions were lifted and I got invited to join him and his family to do a day of activities and bar-hopping. It was fun, up until the point where he started getting drunk and things I couldn't see before started coming out. I've noticed that when people get drunk, the alcohol amplifies their personality about 10x, and since I've never actually seen him drunk before, this was a first (and last) for me. As I sat there a bit buzzed myself, munching on fries and other deep-fried goodies, I started hearing and noticing things I, for some reason, didn't notice before... a) he referred to me as "this bitch" a little too much, to the point where it felt like it was just my name b) his opinion was the only opinion that mattered, and it was the only right one c) what he has is better than yours d) he likes to make it known that he's spent X amount of money helping someone or even offered X amount to someone for help e) he puts down others to make himself look better I noticed these things after spending the whole day with him, but I thought to myself maybe I'm just feeling this way because we've been drinking and he's just being annoying. The next few days I started thinking back on all the other conversations we've had and maybe they were different before? And that's when I realized that he's been like this the whole time. I didn't used to get annoyed with him calling me "this bitch" before, because I thought it was just him being his sassy bi self. But when it's gotten to the point where he uses literally nothing else to call me by, that's just a little disrespectful. He's made comments about someone's house saying it "smelled poor". He'd loudly say disrespectful things out in public thinking that he can say whatever he wants and get away with it, a lot of times I would get scared that the other person might do something about it. I let him drive my car one time because I've had a few drinks and thought it best I didn't drive...he started making comments about the car, which I worked hard for and is my dream car, he'd say "oh this is not good" and "that is not as good as compared to so-and-so car", but also at the same time driving my car around with a super cocky look on his face like he owned it, because it was worth 3-4x more than the one he was driving. Just thinking back on a lot of comments and things the said, I realized that he hasn't influenced me in any positive way, but it showed me that I've grown and changed, and he's just stuck in this immature high school dick persona. The other day I just got so annoyed at myself that I've stayed friends with someone with this kind of personality for so long that I actually told him about what I was thinking. And after I told him how I felt about all this, all he says is that he "didn't know that I was so bothered by him calling me "this bitch" and that it was his way of showing he cared" and that he "knows his personality is shit and he's trying to change, but because he's been acting that way for so long it's hard for him to change...but that he's been trying and working on it". No offense to him, because maybe he is trying, but I don't see any change from how it was back then til now. After I told him that all this has gotten me really annoyed, he tells me that he'll give me time to get unannoyed...which to be honest, I don't think I can be unannoyed by or even want to waste anymore time and energy towards this relationship. I just don't feel 100% myself and happy around him, it's toxic for me and my overall self growth and health. What kind of toxic friendship have you been in or are still in 😮?
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Michelle Tea

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